I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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