He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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