I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
