He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
