I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
