I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
