Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
