i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
