too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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