I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
