I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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