I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
