hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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