Got a toothbrush?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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