Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
