GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
