I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The uberlube is also flammable
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
