In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
