she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
