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Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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