i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
