Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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