I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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