He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
