Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
