By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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