considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
