This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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