the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
