i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
