Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Small penises have feelings too.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
