u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
