he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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