My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
