3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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