why didn't you poke me back
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
