ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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