So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
