maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
