What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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