she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
