I've blown a few things in my day
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
