I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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