we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
