I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
