Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
