Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
