I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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