i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
