Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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