Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
