Umm I'm too high to move.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
