Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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