My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
