an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
