Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
