did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
