So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
