the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
