The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
