so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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